Liberating

I want to feel the
electricity under my skin
and the sparks in my eyes,
the kinds of sparks
that make you want to shed
sugary-sweet tears of joy;
the intense lightness in my chest,
the feathers I used to feel
with you,
before the warmth was replaced
with ice and nausea
that was once nonexistent
in my world of innocence
and rosy smiles,
except in thoughts of future days
like these.
I had joy so strong
before the descent,
just thoughts of you
had me running miles
and leaping hurdles in my sleep;
but the dreams are gone--
I sleep now to escape,
and I'm left only
with hunger
for the feeling to feel.
I want to feel whole,
like myself again.
These insecurities
have me in a paradox,
but I know I have to
let them go--
the day I do,
is the day I'll fly
free and liberated.